Wednesday, June 22, 2016

New Life, Who's This?

When I first decided to go to church I had no idea what I was getting myself  into or what I expected the outcome to be, I just knew that my life needed to change & fast. I didn't grow up in church, in fact the only time I ever went was on Easter Sunday and that was because my mom made me but I knew I believed in God, I knew there was a Heaven and Hell, I knew that the world I was living in was getting crazier and scarier and I didn't want to get sucked into it. I knew how everyone around me was living and I didn't want my life to end up like that. I wanted more, happiness, a family a marriage I knew if I couldn't figure out how to get those things on my own then God would show me.

My first day attending church was like the first day at a new school,  of course I didn't  know anyone and I had only just moved there a few months ago but I stuck it out and I kept going back, I was hungry for the word and desperate to change my life. I had never experienced someone teaching me about God the way the Apostle did. How he explained who God was and why Jesus did what he did for us. It was like listening to the history channel and learning where i came from and who I really was in Christ. The Apostle spoke as if he knew what we were going through, all our life problems and how there was a solution and a way out of all of it. It was God! The answer to all life's problems, there was no situation or person that God could not fix if they were willing to give their lives to him.

I had been going to church for a few weeks, and my days were starting to look brighter, of course all my problems were still there and my life style hadn't changed much but I was getting up every Sunday morning and attending church, the more I heard the word the stronger my Faith got and then God started to move and work things out in my life, he had sent me something so special I never saw it coming!

Friday, June 10, 2016

Going Back Was Not An Option

So what do you do when your life takes a turn for the unexpected and you lose everything you started off with?

This is exactly what happened to me once I left home. The plan I had FAILED and going back home wasn't and option. I've never been a quitter or some one who just gives up and falls into a depression but I was finding myself dealing with anxiety, something I had never experienced before. I had no idea what my next move was going to be but I knew I had to move fast because I had no where to go and nobody to help. When you find yourself spending the night at a strangers house you realize "this cant be my life".

Back on Interstate 95 heading North I stopped at my Aunts house along the way. Little did I know this would become my permanent home and the beginning of a brand new life. I settled into my new place and as usual fell back into that same routine, working, partying and bad friends. You would think by now that I would have figured out that this wasn't the life for me, but I continued on and for a little while things seemed to be ok until life smacked me in the face. Ever felt like your problems were just too much, like things never seem to go right? That was the path I was heading down. I had reached a point where I was just tired of all the nonsense, this wasn't the life I wanted to live. I knew I couldn't make the change on my own, was I weak? No! But its so much easier to do the wrong things than it is to do what's right. I knew I had to find a way to figure out what my life's purpose was really about, and that's when I decided I was going to go to church.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

She Took Her Baggage With Her

Sometimes things get out of control and become to much to bare. Growing up in a small city surrounded by the same faces can definitely make you feel like your stuck. I had gotten to that place where I needed something new, a new town, new friends, new job and I was determined to get out. A new location meant a fresh start and luckily for me I had family and a place to live when I left. I remember the day I packed up my Jeep, everything I owned in the back seat. I was so excited to go but saying goodbye to my family was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. Pulling out of the drive way I remember my dad saying to me "You know you don't have to go" and he was right, I didn't have to leave. I could of unpacked my things and stayed right there and no one would of said a thing. But what would staying get me? I had outgrown the city I was from, leaving was my only option.

On Interstate 95 heading South, I had so many mixed emotions with $180 to my name I started thinking about everything I was leaving behind and if this was really the right move. I knew I wanted things to be different, but how could my life change when I still had all my baggage with me. 12 hours on the road and I arrived at my destination anxious to see what this new city had in store. It didn't take long for me to adapt to my surroundings and before I knew it I was back to the same old routine, working, partying, shopping and making friends with people who really weren't concerned about me. I was in a new city but found myself still dealing with the same problems. I thought relocating would change everything but it didn't, things actually got worse. I moved from home with the hopes of gaining a brand new life but instead I ended up losing everything. I had no friends, no job and the guy I was dating was no good smh go figure. I was right back where I started.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Wasting Time!

I know sometimes it may seem like things in the future don't matter because its not relevant at the moment and the future seems so far away, but the crazy thing is no one is guaranteed tomorrow.

I spent a lot of my time doing the same things over and over and never realized how much of my life I really was wasting. When your young and caught up in all the "fun" you never realize with every decision you make there's an action that follows, good or bad. I made a lot of dumb mistakes (we all do) hung around a lot of people who didn't have my best interest, made friends with people who weren't really my friends and dated all the wrong guys. I found myself day by day just going through the motions. It took the loss of some friends and the ending of relationships for me to realize I had to start doing things differently. But what? How do I just change? And how do I separate myself without feeling like I'm missing out?

She decided to write a Blog

If you're reading this blog then you're probably curious about what I could possibly have to say. Or what I'm trying to accomplish with this blog. My answer to that is this, I want to share the journey of my life over the last 3 years, how it took a turn I never thought it would go and how amazing and challenging the journey has been. I could have never guessed Id be where I'm at but I'm glad that I'm here.

When you're in your 20's and trying to figure life out, most of the time we have no idea what direction we're going in and usually don't care to even think about it. In my 20's partying, dating, traveling and buying new shoes were all that I cared about and at that age who could blame me? No bills & no responsibility meant that I could live my life however I wanted to with no consequences or judgment. For years it was the same routine, work during the week and once Thursday got here I was trying to figure out what outfit to wear and who to hit the club with. It seemed like week after week partying became a way of life, drinking became the fun thing to do and eventually I picked up the habit of smoking. Maaaaaaan I thought "this was the life"